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Divorce
and Remarriage
We
are living in a changing world. The permissive life style and the
changes in society have affected the life of the Church also. Though the
Christian is in the world, he is not of the world. But his association
with the world has affected his thinking also. The attacks of the enemy
against the first institution God has established, viz. the Family, has
been very vehement. When the believers shuddered at the thought of
divorce in the early days, divorce and remarriage is common these days.
Silas Nair examines the issue of divorce and remarriage in the light of
the Word of God.
Introduction
Jose
was born in a traditional Brethren family and had excellent upbringing
in spiritual matters. As a child of God, he had good testimony and was
well liked by his colleagues. His parents arranged a marriage for him.
The bride was Indian-American. But when he went to America with his
wife, he found that she already had a lover and life became miserable.
Eventually they divorced and as the ‘innocent’ party, he married
again.
Dan
and Julie were born in Brethren families. There were more than three
generations of believers in their families and they became husband and
wife through arranged marriage. Julie was normal in all respects except
in husband and wife relationship. In the bedroom, she was a mentally
deranged woman and they separated. Dan started living with another
woman.
David
was a missionary well respected and a good Bible teacher. He had a very
fruitful ministry also. When his wife died, he married a divorced woman.
For this he even changed his doctrinal position and started teaching
that when divorce takes place between husband and wife the ‘innocent
party’ can marry again.
John
and Rhea had good Christian upbringing. Their parents arranged their
marriage. But he had no interest in married life and even considered sex
is sin. Circumstances tempted Rhea for illicit relation with another
man. They forgave one another and their marriage did not end in divorce.
But their married life became miserable and it did not become one as
ordained by the Lord.
Morris
and Juvan were good believers. They too had an arranged marriage.
Probably both were too independent in their thinking. They were not
compatible to one another. They had a child but married life became
difficult. Morris went to United States and after one year has sent her
a legal notice for divorce. She is not willing for a divorce.
These
are not made up stories but it is happening in our generation. The names
are of course changed in each case. It is the
pressure of circumstances, which force people to act without scant
regard for the Scriptures. When young couples in their twenties are
forced to divorce, “should they forever live as single persons” is
the question asked sometimes. So, they marry again.
There
was a time when children of God walked closer to Him and followed the
Word. The permissive life style and societal changes have influenced
them to a large extent and what the world practices they have also
copied in their lives. They have forgotten the exhortation, “be not
conformed” to the world, and have allowed themselves to be squeezed
into the world’s mould.
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The
design for Christian marriage
Christian
marriage is unique. It has its inherent fortification against
deterioration. It is not simply a lofty concept but a dynamic
relationship that links the power of God to the marriage of man and
woman. Marriage is not man’s idea but an institution ordained of God
in his state of innocence. “It was ordained for the mutual society,
help, and comfort, that the one ought to have of the other, both in
prosperity and adversity”.
In
God’s sovereign wisdom, He saw that it was not good for man to be
alone. The woman that God made from the rib of Adam and presented before
him was his companion, a helper and an equal. She was made to meet
man’s deficiency. The swan song of Adam was, “This is now bone of my
bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was
taken out of Man”(Gen.2.23). Then Moses comments: Therefore, a man
shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they
shall become one flesh. This comment was made when there was no father
or mother. Here God established the first human institution. Adam’s
responsibility to honour his parents does not cease when he joins Eve.
But this husband-wife relationship represents the inauguration of a new
responsibility. This primary responsibility on the part of Adam to
cleave to his wife speaks of a permanent and indissoluble union. It is
the ‘one flesh’ unity of Adam and Eve that makes one complete whole
of which Adam and Eve are but parts.
The
celebrated “Shema”, the basic confession of faith in Judaism,
declares “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the LORD is one”
(Deut.6.4). The word used in this passage for ‘One’ does not mean
‘singleness’ but ‘unity’. It is the same word used in Gen.2.24
to say that the husband and wife are said to be ‘one’ flesh. The
statement of monotheism in Deut.6.4 does not exclude the concept of
Trinity. Likewise, though the husband and wife are two individuals they
are ‘one’ in marriage union. This is the permanent and indissoluble
union.
Here
at the outset God makes His design for marriage union clear. This is the
revealed will of God for man.
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God’s
love for Israel and Israel’s harlotry is graphically described in
Ezekiel Sixteen. God complains: “You are an adulterous wife, who takes
strangers instead of her husband” (v.32). Israel was like an abandoned
child. She was unwanted and uncared for right from the beginning. But
God took pity on her, cleansed and beautified her. God entered into a
convent with this Nation. And this covenant signifies marriage, the
relation of God to Israel. Generally, men who used her pay a harlot. But
in the case of Israel, she not only solicited idols but paid tribute to
the godless nations. This was spiritual harlotry. She behaved like a
prostitute (Jer.2.3, 20, 33). Therefore, God gave this faithless nation
a certificate of divorce (3.8). Yet, God wanted her to return!
(3.12,13).
The
anguish of God was the anguish of the ‘innocent party’. The Book of
Hosea again portrays the heart and way of God towards this unfaithful
nation. God told Hosea to marry Gomer a prostitute and to have children
with her. Later she deserted him and committed adultery with her
previous lovers. In spite of all this, God commands Hosea to go and find
her and take her back. Hosea has to pay money to bring his adulterous
wife back. This is what God did to Israel also. He speaks to Israel:
“Return, O Israel, to the Lord your God. Your sins have been your
downfall. I will love freely for my anger has turned away from you
(Hosea.14.1,4). God’s remedy to the spiritual adultery of Israel was
love and reconciliation. It was not divorce.
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The
Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it
lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason”? And He
answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at
the beginning, ‘made them male and female’, and said ‘For this
reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his
wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer
two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man
separate.”
They
said unto Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of
divorce, and to put her away?”
He
said to them, “Moses because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted
you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I
say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for fornication (sexual
immorality), and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries
her who is divorced commits adultery.” (Matt.19.3-9).
Some
has said: “Bible is like an old fiddle. You can play any tune on
that”. We should be very careful in interpreting the Bible. One of the
cardinal principles of Biblical interpretation is that Bible does not
contradict Bible. In interpreting one part of the Bible, one must never
violate the principles of another part of the Bible. It is one complete
whole.
We
will carefully examine this most important part of the scripture where
our Lord has given us clear instructions.
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The
two Rabbis Shammai and Hillel were near contemporaries of Jesus Christ.
They followed two schools of thought. The former interpreted the law
rigidly and permitted divorce if the wife was guilty of fornication.
Hillel and his followers allowed divorce indiscriminately. The question
of the Pharisees was a trap laid before Jesus to take sides with one or
other of the Rabbis. One was liberal and the other was conservative.
Which side Jesus will take? The Pharisees have decided on one thing.
Divorce is a must, but how could it be done? They need answer only for
that. They were testing Him.
In
the Old Testament, the penalty for adultery was death by stoning
(Cf.Jn.8.4; Lev.20.10; Deut.22.22-24). But the Pharisees were seeking
grounds, the proper way for divorce, than how to remain happily married.
In
Jesus’ answer to this question, he obliterated all man made answers to
the question. He said, ‘in the beginning it was not so’. God
intended marriage to be permanent. The marriage vow is still the same.
The Church of England Common Prayer Book puts it this way. “I take thee to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for
worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love,
cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy ordinance”.
Jesus
answered them: “Have you not read, (the scriptures)?” He made them
male and female and they two shall be one flesh. Therefore, what God has
joined together let not man separate. In the plan of God, marriage is
forever and he never intended divorce for any reason.
But
the Pharisees argues: When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it
happens that she finds no favour in his eyes because he has found some
uncleanness in her, and he writes a her a certificate of divorce, puts
it in her hand, and sends her out of his house
(Deut.24.1). But the verse does not stop there. When you take the
first 4 verses of this chapter together, what we understand is that it
does not command divorce as the Pharisees alleged. It does not either
approve or disapprove divorce either. There is also no suggestion of divorce in
this passage. It is the defilement of the divorced women, which is in
picture here. The passage of course recognizes divorces. Four things may
be noted:
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A man finds some
kind of uncleanness in the wife. This is not adultery, the
punishment for which is death by stoning.
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He legally
divorces her. This is in spite of the fact that God hates divorce
(Mal.2.16).
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She marries
another man
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The new husband
dies or divorces her. There she could not return to her first
husband because she was defiled.. Her defilement was in the 2nd
marriage. There was no cause for divorce and when she remarried, she
became an adulteress. The divorce by the first husband was
illegitimate.
It
was because of the hardness of the heart of the people Moses permitted
divorce. Then the Lord said: “I tell you that anyone who divorces his
wife, except for fornication and marries another woman commits adultery
(Matt.19.9)
Because
of the above statement of the Lord, we generally believe that
fornication is the ground for divorce.
Those
who thinks of divorce between Christians should listen to what the
Church of England Prayer Book says: “For be ye well assured that so
many as are coupled together otherwise than God’s word doth allow are
not joined together by God; neither is their matrimony lawful”. In
this divinely ordered institution, marriage becomes a life long bond.
This marriage is holy and indissoluble. This is not a contract but a
covenant of love and fidelity, which both the parties mutually
undertake, as God requires. The vow is made before God and He alone is
the One who
seals the marriage union.
Sexual
intercourse consummates a marriage but it does not establish a marriage.
Likewise, the question arises whether sexual intercourse outside
marriage (fornication or adultery) breaks the marriage bond. The answer
is ‘no’. It neither establishes, nor breaks a marriage bond.
Any
unfaithfulness either on the part of man or woman of course severely
damages a marital relationship. But if the guilty party repents, he/she
should be reinstated.
Marriage
is a State subject. Christians marry of course and it has to be
according to the Marriage Act made by the State. But marriage does not
owe its existence to the State but to God who established it.
Governments only recognize marriage and make it legal. When we think of
divorce, who grants it? It is the State and not God. And since in the
mind of God marriage is forever, He does not recognize the divorce
granted by a State.
Provisions
for divorce and remarriage is not made in the Bible. The only thing that
breaks the marriage bond is the death of either one of the partners and
then he/she may remarry. A wife is bound by law as long as her husband
lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom
she wishes, only in the Lord.(1 Cor.7.39)
But
why did the Lord Jesus use the exceptive clause in Mathew 19 in his
answer to the Pharisees? He said: “And I say to you, whoever divorces
his wife, except for fornication, ( the Greek word is porneia
marital unfaithfulness (NIV) sexual immorality (NKJV) and marries
another commits adultery (the Greek word is moicheia; and whoever
marries her who is divorced commits adultery” (Matt.19.9). Whatever
may be the difference between fornication and sexual immorality, the
Lord did distinguish between fornication and adultery. W.E.Vine defines
fornication as ‘illicit sexual intercourse’. This is the word that
the Pharisees used against the Lord in Jn.8.41. In such cases
‘fornication’ is illicit sexual intercourse between unmarried
persons. Therefore in the context of Mathew 19, 'fornication' is illicit
sexual relationship that the woman had with another man before her
marriage. Adultery on the other hand is sexual intercourse between a
married person and another who is not his spouse. Therefore, there are
those who argue that Christ was referring to the sin of fornication
prior to marriage.
The
effect of the sin of fornication is disharmony that results from it and
it has its own emotional, physical, mental and spiritual consequences.
When
the Pharisees asked the Lord, whether it is ‘lawful’ for a man to
divorce his wife, the Lord reaffirmed the permanency of marriage. God may
permit an exception to his own rule, but what the Lord really taught
in that verse is that marriage after divorce constitutes adultery. Why
the Lord did use the word ‘fornication’ in His exceptive clause is
difficult to understand, but it is clear from his teaching that
fornication does not break the marriage bond. It is true that in the
case of fornication by one of the spouse the other party has occasion to
feel offended and hurt, but to teach that is a biblically approved
ground for divorce is to go beyond what the Lord actually said.
In
his words: “Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man
separate” the Lord did not only reestablish God’s original purpose
for marriage but also rejected man’s all excuses for divorces. The
person who committed fornication should repent and forsake that thought
and the other party should accept it and be reconciled one to another.
If not one would say there is justification for the innocent party to
seek divorce. Repentance and reconciliation is the remedy for
'fornication' in such cases. But then remarriage is not permitted at all.
if divorce takes place because of the hardness of the heart of man. This is
adultery.
God’s
way of dealing with sin is repentance and reconciliation. This is how
fellowship with God is maintained continually. If we don’t forgive one
another as Christ has forgiven us how can we maintain fellowship? This
is applicable even in the case of unfaithfulness in marriage
Accepting
that the wife who committed fornication did not repent and the man
divorces her, what happens to marriage. In the eyes of God, they are
still married because the marriage bond is final. It is the hardness of
the heart of man that led Moses to permit divorce. God has not changed.
His law has not changed. But we only have changed. In cases where such
divorce takes place remarriage is not permitted at all. It is adultery
in the sight of God.
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Marriage
between believers is permanent and indissoluble. Only death breaks the
marriage bond. God hates divorce. Even when divorce takes place because
of the hardness of man’s heart remarriage is not permitted. This would
be adultery.
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